The article (written by a dad) addressed and defended the importance of the 'stay-at-home-mom' - and it's gone viral! Comments ranged anywhere from, "Amen, brotha - SAHMs do a lot all day everyday, and get no respect!" to, "Whaaaaat? Working Moms do everything that SAHMs do, and more in less time!" Someone commented that working moms out-sourced childcare in order to work other jobs, and working mom said, "My kids are in school all day! I still get them after school! 'Out-sourcing' childcare - the nerve!" I'm paraphrasing a lot of these quotes, by the way.
Okay, so let's take a step back from immediate, gut-instinct emotions and acknowledge something right off; we women tend to wear ourselves out with guilt all. the. time. I don't think it's exactly part of our natures, but it certainly does seem to be a highly prevalent tendency. We feel guilty that by staying home we don't have enough money to give our kids everything they could want. We feel guilty if we're working because we wonder if we're neglecting our children by not staying at home. Basically, we feel guilty because we're not sure if we're doing enough for our families! It's definitely in our nature to nurture, and we have a deep-seated desire to do it, and do enough of it. So when we're reacting to these kinds of articles a lot of us are operating from a place of guilt and feel the need to defend our choices.
Briefly, I'll address what Prophets and apostles of God have stated regarding SAHMs and Working Moms:
President Gordon B. Hinckley taught: “I recognize … that there are some women (it has become very many, in fact) who have to work to provide for the needs of their families. To you I say, do the very best you can. I hope that if you are employed full-time you are doing it to ensure that basic needs are met and not simply to indulge a taste for an elaborate home, fancy cars, and other luxuries.”
Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “You in these unusual circumstances qualify for additional inspiration and strength from the Lord. Those who leave the home for lesser reasons will not.”For us LDS folks, counsel from our leadership has pretty clearly been that if at all possible, the mothers should be staying at home with their children. But it's also clearly recognized that circumstances don't always allow it, and we are not to stand in judgement of those who do not stay at home with their children. For me that's pretty easy to avoid. There are a lot of people whose individual circumstances I am not intimately familiar with - most people, in fact - and I'm very aware of that. But something that I feel pretty safe in assuming about almost everyone is that we're all doing the best that we can, the best that we know how. And it is for that reason that I choose to support my sisters (we're all children of God, therefore all of the women are my sisters) in whatever they're choosing.
Whatever you're choosing, just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. President Gordon B. Hinckley counseled, “In terms of your happiness, in terms of the matters that make you proud or sad, nothing—I repeat, nothing—will have so profound an effect on you as the way your children turn out.” If you're confident in the choices you've made for you and your family, then you'll have no reason to defend - or possibly later regret - your choices. Heavenly Father will help you. You are mothering His children, too after all. You can count on His help. And on no judgement from this stay-at-home-mom.
I'm like you! I am nervous to comment on articles like that because I don't want to offend someone. Its such a touchy subject. I loved that article! One of my facebook friends posted an article about how Utah is worst for women in the workplace and in leadership positions and how awful that was. I was thinking, I AM THE LEADER for most things in my home! It is the hardest job I have ever done. But I didn't want to comment because I was afraid of offending this woman (who lives on my street). I just like to think that everyone is doing the best they can. And I never judge someone for choosing to work, I just hope they don't judge me in return for staying home.
ReplyDelete(sorry this is my husbands account...oops! This is Emily)
ReplyDeleteThanks for clarifying. :) And, yes exactly to your last sentence in your first comment! There are plenty of things that we women feel we need to beat ourselves up about without beating each other up.
DeleteI read and enjoyed the article written on "The Matt Walsh Blog." I felt empowered and justified as a SAHM when I read:
ReplyDelete"Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined."
It's unfortunate that our society has gone in such a direction that moms feel they have to defend their choice to be a "stay at home mom". If you choose to stay at home you are often viewed as unambitious and lazy. I may not be the perfect homemaker. I fall behind on dishes and laundry. My bathroom isn't always clean and often times it hits 6pm and I still have no idea what I'm making for dinner. You may not be able to measure what I have accomplished in tasks, but what I have given my children is worth more.
I have the best job in the world. Rewarding, beautiful, sacred and exhausting.
I had so much to say on this subject so I decided to write a blog post of my own. I borrowed bits and pieces of what you said. You can read my additional thought here: http://caranna.blogspot.com/2013/10/being-sahm.html
DeleteGreat comment and great post of your own! I really enjoyed Matt Walsh's article as well. He articulated really well just how valuable mothers are. SAHMs have these things as their sole responsibility; working moms will end up leaving some of that to others, but they still do plenty of it themselves! Moms of all kinds are awesome.
DeleteI enjoyed, this, Rachael. I think the phrase "If the mamma ain't happy, ain't no one happy" is very true. While I have seen many women work outside the home and also raise young children and seem to do both things well, I would not have been able to. Why? Because I really did not want to. Like REALLY not. More than anything, I wanted to be an at-home mom, so we made that happen, though it required much sacrifice. Gerald always worked two jobs (still does, so I can mostly stay home, even though my youngest is 13), and we did not have many luxuries. We were married 12 years before were able to buy our first house. But I don't regret one second of the time I had home with my children. I would have been so unhappy any other way, and "if the mamma ain't happy...."
DeleteSo true, Terrianne. I have zero desire to work while raising my children as well. Low on luxuries, but well-endowed with peace in my choices. :)
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